Weigh In February 7, 2010: Smells like Cat Spirit

It occurred to me last night that I’m not really on a diet.  I probably should be, and will probably need to be when I get closer to a healthy weight, but for now, I’m not on a diet. Maybe not a diet so much as actual calorie counting or carb counting, or something of that nature.

But for now, I’ve cut out almost all junk food with the exception of the occasional tortilla chips and queso dip–because I just love me some spicy stuff. I’ve incorporated salads somewhat, and I’ve, by accident more than design, have decreased my beef intake to almost nil. I’ve added fruits and eyeball calories.

Mostly it’s the sweet stuff that did me in. The “gotta have it” stuff that, anytime it was put in front of my face, I simply could not walk past it. I had a day either last week or the week before where I simply folded: some stuff involving forgiveness work came up, and, while it was stewing, there was the Krispie Kreme (which wasn’t nearly as good as I remembered), the handful of chocolate, and the icky eating at home.

Weigh In January 30, 2010 — A Saddle

This saddle weighs 18 lbs and is sold by Timber Ridge Saddlery Incorporated.

I remember the first time I went horse riding. I was in high school, and there was a local horse-riding establishment with a slew of horses. I chose a fun-loving horse named Chief.

“Good temperament,” the guy told me, “but a little bit stubborn.”  I figured we had a lot in common.

He was huge and gorgeous, a nightly black with a white patch on his head that looked somewhat like a tiara.  It took me several tries to get my leg over on him, but I finally managed it and away we went.

He totally was the boss of me.

After a couple of miles of trails, we came upon a river, and Chief decided he would go swimming. With me on his back.

Weigh In January 24, 2010 — Haz Lost Hamburger?

This is a 15 pound hamburger. Scary, ain’t it?

It’s from Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub , located in “scenic Clearfield, PA.”

I don’t know whether to be amused by this or horrified. I think of the actual eating of this hamburger, and it makes me want to throw up in my mouth, just a little.  Same thing with the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest.

Ew, especially the Nathans hot dog eating contest.  I just googled it, and found the headline

Joe Chestnut Retains Title by Eating 68 Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs and Buns

When you actually read it, it was in 10 minutes. Ten!

What kind of country is it when our culture is so accepting of such sensationalized binge eating? In some places, it’s celebrated, and it’s not an entirely new phenomena. Pie eating contests have been around most likely as long as we’ve had county fairs.

Anyway, the weigh-in:  299.9

down 3.7 from last week

15.6 down since December

I can’t see a difference yet, but then again, I don’t expect to. It probably took a good 30 lbs for me to begin to see a difference last time I really got gung-ho about losing weight.

I have noticed a difference in my pants, though, so that’s a goodness.

It’s moving. Mostly because I am.

About this Wii-ing

I love saying it, I really, really do.

“Sorry, but I have to wii tonight; or, can we do that after I wii?”

It sounds dirty, and I have to admit, I like the little bit of dirtiness.

It’s the Wii Fit Plus with Balance Board.  And I’m digging it mightily.

While I know that it doesn’t replace a gym–and, eventually, I’ll need to hit the gym, right now, it’s getting me moving, and I can tell a difference in the way my clothes fit even if I can’t see a difference yet.

A couple of things I don’t like about it, though: 1) You can’t enter a reason if you gain weight. It’s “ate too much” or “snacked” or things like that or “I don’t know.”  If you can type your name by using the controller, you should be able to type a reason.  2) For some activities, it says “great” when you step on the board; in others, it gives a little groan which I find to be highly annoying.

I know I’m fat. I don’t need your groaning to tell me I’m fat, thankyouverymuch.

And finally, 3) If your BMI drops, it merely categorizes you as “overweight” or “obese” or whatever you are. It doesn’t acknowledge the fact that your BMI has dropped.

With that being said, it’s most likely the best thing (other than my blackberry and some George Carlin CD’s I bought for 70% off) I’ve ever spent money on.

Like I said, it’s getting me moving again.

Weigh In — January 17, 2010 — A Demolition Hammer

Attempting to create a tradition, here are this week’s results.

Official Weigh in: 303.6

Down 1.6 for a total of 11.9

Close enough to 12 for a picture, I think. It’s a Hitachi H45MR  SDS  Max Shank Demolition Hammer.  It weighs 12 pounds.

I have no idea what a Hitachi H45MR SDS Max Shank Demolition Hammer does (other than, possibly shanking and demolitioning while hammering at max speed), but it sounds powerful.

Weigh In — January 10, 2010 — A Bag of Flour

I’ve heard that visual representation aids in appreciating smaller accomplished feats.

My first milestone: A 10 lb bag of flour. That’s what I’ve lost.  The official weigh in is  305.2 with a total loss of -10.3.

This puts me at 94.8 from my highest weight, ever.

“Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars.” ~ Oscar Wilde

Even though I had started going to OA back in October, I actually gained weight while struggling for the first two months. Talk about depressing!  It wasn’t until right around Christmas that I started noticing any truly positive changes at all, and it seems like, since then, it’s really taken off.

One of Those Days

Ever have a day where you just forget what day it is?

That was yesterday.

I started on Step 4 this week, and I’m procrastinating, although it should be a pretty easy start, anyway. My sponsor has me listing all of the people and things that I resent.

But I really don’t resent anything. Or so I thought on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

And then yesterday came.

A Quiet, Hopeful Happy New Year

“We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.” – Captain Mal Reynolds, Firefly

Well, over two months since the last post, the beginning.

And boy, oh, boy, has it seen some ups and downs.

When I first started OA again, almost three months ago, I don’t think I ever admitted it, but I really think I believed that if I just showed up, everything would unfold as it did a couple years ago.  You know, spiritual awakening, bountiful miracles, a changed perspective and, most importantly (at the time), rapid weight loss.

It didn’t exactly go down that way.

I showed up, and my pants became tighter. But I kept showing up.  I couldn’t find my scale, but I knew I was gaining, and I kept showing up.

And then I participated in a discussion about honesty and self-esteem, and I realized that I hadn’t been showing up at all.

And that’s when it really started, I think.

And that’s also, incidentally, when the headaches started.

I don’t think I’ve ever thought that being off sugar would be a good thing, or a pleasant thing, or even a possible thing, before December 2009.

And So It Begins, Again

It was funny, really, and a bit embarrassing.

I was speaking at work about communication as a part of teamwork.  I realized last month when I was speaking of responsiveness and service that my audience has somehow become irrelevant; I’m speaking more to myself than them, anyway.

I think it’s what has helped me almost entirely get over the fear of public speaking.

This month, though, was communication.  Communication is so vital as a skill: it’s the basis of all relationships. Communication is, if nothing else, the art of relating.  That we needed to ensure that what we intended to communicate was exactly what we were actually communicating.  That having a sour-puss face and telling someone to “have a nice day” gave conflicting messages, and it required mindfulness, personal responsibility, and integrity to say what we mean–with all of our being–and mean what we say.

It just occurred to me that sarcasm and irony lacks integrity, and that’s a shame. I really do love me some sarcasm and irony.

I also said that teamwork is a management of relationships in order to achieve a common goal, that goal being service. Service is our primary purpose–our only purpose–as a mental health facility, and our job is to become excellent servants.

Did I mention I was talking to myself?

In Silence, Remember

A dear family friend passed away–the man who stood with me at my grandfather’s funeral.

Drama abounded–vulture-like relatives, hissing cats and pissing dogs.

It was so lovely. Really.

At the end of the funeral, after everyone, including my grandmother, had left, he stood beside me as we watched the casket go into the ground.  He tossed a tiny flag into the hole; I tied my Raidho necklace to the casket handle.

We didn’t speak, but then again, we didn’t have to.

It’s strange thinking about it now. I’ve been dragged into public speaking (not so bad, really, as it netted me a free trip to DC next month), and each month we have several presentations on different aspects of customer service. The first was responsiveness; for October, it will be communication.

My take on the whole communication thing is that you are your own message, just as Leonard Peltier said. And that  no matter who you’re with, what time it is, or what planet you’re on, you’re sending a message.  Be mindful of it and ensure that the message you’re conveying is actually the one you wish to send.

Waldo Emerson said it best, I think, when he said “Who you are speaks so loudly Ican’t hear what you’re saying.”