I thought once I had an answer, that everything would be better. Like a lightswitch flipping, I thought all of the shadows would be gone.
The bright side, of course, is that I finally received confirmation that I wasn’t crazy. Well, not crazy about this anyway.
For months, years, even, my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone, and the primary means by which doctors measure thyroid function) was normal, but I still had the majority of symptoms of severe hypothyroidism. Of all of the symptoms, the hair loss, the weight gain, the depression, none of them were nearly as debilitating as the fatigue.
I don’t think there are words that can convey how tired I was all the time–am all the time. I let school go. I let socializing go. I let everything go and barely made it through work and only the things that were pretty much mandatory–like family holiday events, and I’m rating about 70% on those.
I went to three different doctors begging for help, only to be told that everything was fine. That I was fine, the implication clear that I was lazy or faking it or begging for attention. I asked that other tests be run, that there had to be SOMETHING that hadn’t been caught yet. That something had to be wrong.
Toward the end of December, I finally found someone who believed me. He ran a thyroid antibody test, and my antibodies were off the charts. Where a number of 0-40 is normal, 3000 is the maximum measured, my results, in dark bold characters, read > 3000.
I have Hashimoto’s disease.
Because Hashimoto’s is an autoimmune disorder, there really isn’t a cure for it. He prescribed supplements, which I’ve been taking faithfully for right about a month now.
Without actually considering it, I think I expected miracles. I felt I deserved them, at any rate.
Still hoping for that miracle, maybe. Still hoping that soon, there’ll be just one day that I can get through without feeling like I’m 150 years old.
I’m 37. And I feel like I’m a million and 7.
I’m not really sure why I’m here, at WordPress again. I certainly don’t have any good news. Or funny news. Or anything new at all.
Maybe I’m just tired of being silent.