Kitty Hell

My cat and I are not on speaking terms.

I like her just fine (no, really), but she’s adopted an attitude that is rather snooty, even for a cat.

Which suits me just fine, really.

Since I have a decidedly Catholic cat, I’m fairly certain she believes in heaven. And I have a good idea what her vision of heaven is: an electric blanket, a never ending food supply, and my disembodied hips and hair. The hip would be as if I were lying on my side; the hair would be fanned across the bed, allowing her to tapdance, jigaboo, and waltz through it as if she were high on cat nip. And she would drool in it. Copiously.

In her vision of heaven, neither I nor my my hands would be there. I couldn’t hiss at her, and I couldn’t push her off my hair.

With my haircut, I lost a lot of hair. I watched it on the floor and was somewhat horrified. Did I really have that much hair? Did it really look so nappy? The indulgent stylist, with her Manic-Panic streak and her nose ring, smiled and nodded.

I really was horrified when I realized that I could have been her mother. A very, very young mother, granted, but in that “old-enough-to-bleed, old-enough-to-breed” sort of way, I could have been her mother.

That was a very sobering thought for me.

Regardless, I was only semi-horrified at my hair. It was about an inch above the curve of my ass. Way too long for someone who doesn’t bother with hair very often in any way that doesn’t deal with hairbands, scrunchies, or pony tails. And now it’s about an inch lower than my shoulders.

I wanted to go shorter. I was disappointed when the wee stylist wouldn’t go shorter.

In retrospect, I don’t think I could have handled any more change at one time.

So, with my new ‘do, it’s a tease for the Cat. She sees the hair. She smells the hair. But when she goes in for the nuzzle-and-drool, she can’t quite find the hair. So after a very short time (her attention span is the rough equivalent of mine), she pouts, shows me her ass, and saunters off.

Apparently, cutting out dead parts has more benefits than ever imagined.

I should probably do it more often. I just have to be careful; that sounds dangerously close to a possible New Year’s resolution.


5 thoughts on “Kitty Hell”

  1. No hands??? That would equal Feline Hell for Joe. He panicks when he gets on the bed and can’t find my hands (which I’ve snuck under the covers to hide from him…I mean, why does he need his face rubbed at 2 a.m. I ask myself?)

    That ass-in-the-face thing? My cat does it too. Almost like he’s so proud of something back there, I really REALLY need to see it up close. All I can see is his little balls: One black and one White – which usually sends me in peels of giggles while I push him away.

    WOW on your hair!!! First, I had no idea it was that long (I picture Lady Godiva! LOL :)…) Second, good on you for having the courage to make the change!! Bet it looks adorable.

    🙂 Cutting off all the extra dead stuff….sounds like a good plan for starting the new year out right!!!! xoxoxox


  2. Drastic change can be…well drastic. I once went from no bangs to bangs and my dd didn’t recognize me. Everything but the bangs was the same.

    I think there’s snow falling on your page. That’s crazy.

    Funny story. Have a great New Year. Hope 2008 finds you and your cat on better terms:)


  3. Grace: Hardly Lady G. Although I’m a fan of her chocolate, I believe some public indecency was involved ?

    Survivorscribe: I haven’t had bangs since I was 16 or so. I now have two bangs, I think, but I haven’t quite figured it out. I am really enjoying the wash-and-wear style though. And with the smallest amount of working with it, it actually looks “done.” Frightening thought.

    CuriousC: Mine makes me laugh constantly, but I’m wondering if I’ve developed an allergy to her. Normally I can kick a cold in a week or so with vitamins, etc., but this one just isn’t letting go.

    Tobeme: Change was and is desperately needed 🙂


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