A Brand New Year (Or Close Enough)

This time is normally a time of reflection and writing for me. I accomplish more non-school related writing between the middle of December and the middle of January than any other time of the year.

I haven’t done my normal end of semester activities: devoured movies, gone to the country, or driven all over hell and back. I’ve mostly slept and sneezed.

I looked at the blog entries: inconsequential things, really, and not at all reflective of what’s been going on.

I thought when I’d finally get around to doing a New Year’s blog entry, I’d be full of optimism or, possibly, pessimism. I’d cry “I’ve taken stock and this is what I want, where I am, yoohoo!”

Instead, I’ve found myself thoroughly lost within a song.

It’s not just that this song, “Jambi,” was the first song I heard at my first ever Tool concert. It’s not just that it’s lyrically complex and beautiful. It’s not just that I was hooked on the song the first time I heard the opening chords and my heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest, or that when I heard it live I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Because, truthfully, I’ve heard more catchy riffs in other songs, although with as much as I’ve listened to this song, I can’t even think of any of them. I have a soft, fuzzy sense of something that came before this song, but it’s both formless and essenseless and, therefore, irrelevant. I’ve also heard more comprehensible songs than “Jambi.” Madonna’s “Like a Virgin,” for example. Pretty straight forward and easily understood.

Silly as hell, sure, but still, far more easily comprehensible.

I don’t have the vocabulary, I think, to describe what this song does to me. I don’t even think I understand what this song does to me. All I know is that, while I’m listening to it, I find it very difficult to write. Nothing is linear. Within this song, and lyrics I don’t understand, I am able feel the magnitude of 2007: the seemingly inconsolable losses, of Sexual Harassment Security Guard, of my grandfather, of “Uncle O”; the smaller but no less significant losses: of the Ex-boyfriend, of the resentment of the ex-husband, of other losses for which I don’t even have names.

This song is also a space in which I can experience all the good things of 2007, too. Finding friends in unlikely places, and beauty in less likely places. All of those little first-steps (*grin* at Grace) that, for better or worse, were first steps. Most of them were not smashingly successful in the direction in which I thought they were headed, rather they lead to diversions that seemed to have nothing in common with the original destination.

In many cases they didn’t, but only because I was headed in the wrong direction in the first place.

There’s a funny thought for you: “Jambi” (and the rest of Maynard’s work) as a great cosmic Global Positioning System. There have been stranger things, for sure.

But here’s the song that I’ve been listening to for a month straight, the best quality I could find (with the exception of what appeared to be a cheat for Guitar Hero), complete with a ha-ha for those familiar with the tune and a waxing moon at the very end.

Maybe you’ll be able to figure it out.

Oh, and because I was so lost in the song, I forgot to add my New Year’s wishes: May 2008 be the best year ever for each and every one of you.

At least until 2009 comes along.

Peace, Love, and all that Jazz,

Your Fool

(Edited to add: Just played it from the post, and it’s snowing on Maynard, at least for another day. How marvelous is that!)


2 thoughts on “A Brand New Year (Or Close Enough)”

  1. Yeah, I see the youtube thingy, but our school server is so damn slow, I can’t get it up to play.

    Don’t get me started on our technology capabilities . . .grrr.

    I’ll have to try from home.

    Later (waves)



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