This time is normally a time of reflection and writing for me. I accomplish more non-school related writing between the middle of December and the middle of January than any other time of the year.
I haven’t done my normal end of semester activities: devoured movies, gone to the country, or driven all over hell and back. I’ve mostly slept and sneezed.
I looked at the blog entries: inconsequential things, really, and not at all reflective of what’s been going on.
I thought when I’d finally get around to doing a New Year’s blog entry, I’d be full of optimism or, possibly, pessimism. I’d cry “I’ve taken stock and this is what I want, where I am, yoohoo!”
Instead, I’ve found myself thoroughly lost within a song.
It’s not just that this song, “Jambi,” was the first song I heard at my first ever Tool concert. It’s not just that it’s lyrically complex and beautiful. It’s not just that I was hooked on the song the first time I heard the opening chords and my heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest, or that when I heard it live I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
Because, truthfully, I’ve heard more catchy riffs in other songs, although with as much as I’ve listened to this song, I can’t even think of any of them. I have a soft, fuzzy sense of something that came before this song, but it’s both formless and essenseless and, therefore, irrelevant. I’ve also heard more comprehensible songs than “Jambi.” Madonna’s “Like a Virgin,” for example. Pretty straight forward and easily understood.
Silly as hell, sure, but still, far more easily comprehensible.
I don’t have the vocabulary, I think, to describe what this song does to me. I don’t even think I understand what this song does to me. All I know is that, while I’m listening to it, I find it very difficult to write. Nothing is linear. Within this song, and lyrics I don’t understand, I am able feel the magnitude of 2007: the seemingly inconsolable losses, of Sexual Harassment Security Guard, of my grandfather, of “Uncle O”; the smaller but no less significant losses: of the Ex-boyfriend, of the resentment of the ex-husband, of other losses for which I don’t even have names.
This song is also a space in which I can experience all the good things of 2007, too. Finding friends in unlikely places, and beauty in less likely places. All of those little first-steps (*grin* at Grace) that, for better or worse, were first steps. Most of them were not smashingly successful in the direction in which I thought they were headed, rather they lead to diversions that seemed to have nothing in common with the original destination.
In many cases they didn’t, but only because I was headed in the wrong direction in the first place.
There’s a funny thought for you: “Jambi” (and the rest of Maynard’s work) as a great cosmic Global Positioning System. There have been stranger things, for sure.
But here’s the song that I’ve been listening to for a month straight, the best quality I could find (with the exception of what appeared to be a cheat for Guitar Hero), complete with a ha-ha for those familiar with the tune and a waxing moon at the very end.
Maybe you’ll be able to figure it out.
Oh, and because I was so lost in the song, I forgot to add my New Year’s wishes: May 2008 be the best year ever for each and every one of you.
At least until 2009 comes along.
Peace, Love, and all that Jazz,
(Edited to add: Just played it from the post, and it’s snowing on Maynard, at least for another day. How marvelous is that!)