I think I’ve managed to come up with yet another temporary solution to a temporary problem. The problem is my not attending church as regularly as I’d like due to extreme fatigue by the time Sunday morning rolls around. I’d either stay awake during the space between work and church, only to fall asleep during meditation, or fall asleep before church, not setting the alarm to wake up since I feel hungover with just a little bit of sleep.
The solution, at least for now (and as often as the alarm actually goes off) is to go straight home, crash for about an hour and a half, and get back up for the service. However, I found that once I made the resolution to do that, I don’t feel hungover.
Funny how that works.
My brain batteries die about about four hours later, but I am awake and (somewhat) alert for the service, and I need that right now. A lot.
Which sounds strange because I actually turned down membership in the church this afternoon.
I stayed for the “State of the Unity Address,” and listened to the plan for growth for the spiritual center, possible new property, et cetera, et cetera. Part of their plan is to form a membership which will allow for better financial planning. I’m cool with that. In fact, I very much want to help the church realize its goals of new property. I want to help the church succeed in its mission.
I just don’t want to be a part of the official membership.
Now, I love this church. I have experienced absolute miracles while attending this church. I’m currently committed to a “Keys to the Kingdom” class which just began last week. I attend every Sunday I can. I have no intention of leaving the church any time soon, and, even if I get a post-graduation job in Hattiesburg, as of now, I am planning on coming down to attend on weekends. That is, unless something specific changes.
But the truth is, Unity is not my faith.
It’s beautiful and loving and, as I said, has put into motion miracles in my life. I am still benefiting so very much from the lessons and the classes and the beauty which is the Unity movement.
But today, over a comment on the new church policy to prohibit alcohol from church functions (a policy with which I personally agree although I disagree for their reason for doing it), it put into perspective that little buzzing noise I’ve been hearing in the back of my head which caused my discomfort with the church.
I have nothing to say bad about the church at all. The notion of unity is a fundamental belief of mine, and a lot of my “fundamental” beliefs are reflected in the Unity faith.
I just feel that I’m moving into something else and have been for a while.
And here it is, 2008, and I’m finally comfortable in limbo. In so many facets of my life, I’m in a tweener stage: neither here nor there.