And There It Is

I had to go back up to work tonight to get my bag o’ medicine.

Of course, by the time I got around to it, it was after 10 pm.   As I was walking into the building, I saw Melody who called out to me, smiling as she lit a cigarette.

K was walking with her, K of the Carpe Diem girl fame.

She put her head down, walked around me, and practically ran to her car.  It’s the first time I’ve seen her since the nicotine withdrawal conflict. (It wasn’t a war because I couldn’t pull Congress into it.)

I wanted to say something or to text her or something, but I didn’t know what to say.

My first reaction (thank God I didn’t!) was to laugh. I didn’t even know she could move that fast.

My second reaction is to feel bad for her.

For several reasons.

But I didn’t call her or text her because I didn’t know what to say. Truthfully, had I not seen her, I wouldn’t have even thought to call her in the first place.

It didn’t hit me til tonight that when I worked my way through my list of people with whom I had distanced / fractured relationships, she wasn’t one of the people I called.

I didn’t even think to call her, and I think I feel guilty about that.

I guess I’m sorry that I hurt her feelings.  I guess I’m just not sorry that she’s gone.

And I might just feel a bit guilty about that, too.

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