I’m sort of a mess today.
Scratch that, I’m definitely a mess today.
Spring Break is here, and I slept in again. I woke up, ate breakfast, and went back to bed, content that I’d observe the Fast again.
Last year it was “neat” and “nifty” and “challenging.” This year it is is “hard” and “grrr” and “bringing garbage to the surface.”
Which is not to say that it is still not beautiful. I can tell some major stuff is going on, which makes it absolutely necessary.
It just doesn’t make the Fast as fun as it was last year.
I’m not overly emotional or anything, I simply can NOT get moving. Waking up early, (going to bed early the night before is where I get messed up at), and beginning the day the “proper way” makes such a huge difference. Who’d have thought that what was normal behavior for just a couple of months ago (minus a school day), would be “such a mess” today.
My, how the times have changed.
Yesterday, I could excuse it. It was, after all, National Nap Day. I still managed to do what I needed to do.
But today, it’s almost 2 pm and I’m sitting here, stagnant, wondering just why I can’t get my day started.
I re-discovered an old haunt, one which I registered for and even posted a couple of times to, but sort of dropped off the map right around the time I started smoking again. (Hmmm. Oh, what a coincidence!)
It’s 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet. A very, very cool place. I’ve actually linked this blog in my sig there, which means that people I don’t know will see me as I am now, and that prospect scares the ever living crap out of me.
Which is exactly why I had to do it, I suppose.
And of course, that makes me want to walk less than it did yesterday. Which, again, is exactly why I need to do it.
Because, unlike last year, I am committed. And a lot of this “garbage” coming up revolves around fear. Actually, all of it does.
And, unfortunately, keeping commitments wholly is irrelevant of being afraid of them or not.
Which is why I have to do it.