The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I have one paper down, the Shakespearean thing that isn’t anywhere near as good as I wanted to be.

But it’s done.

I’m working on my paper that started out being about Kate Chopin (and, oddly, I haven’t written anything about her at all yet) and is now ass-deep in the exchange of information and relationship building.

It’s been eye-opening, for sure. I still have no understanding of Lacan or how that will play into it, but I am writing up a storm.

11 days, and I’ll be done, done, having walked across the stage, not losing my temper because I didn’t graduate magna cum laude (despite having the GPA, but that’s another rant for another time).

I’ll be done, done, and I never have to think about USM again. Except when I go to work there this summer. I’ve signed on to continue tutoring (at the abysmally low rate, stupid me) until I find a “real job.” While I don’t mind tutoring, I’d much rather be making a wage that is more than what I was making as a non-degreed.

But anyway.

Marie called, asked me if I remembered they were having a birthday party for me this weekend.

I didn’t.

I told her I was canceling my birthday. Even if I only stayed for an hour, (lame!), I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it because I still have that huge paper (and two smaller assignments) over my head. So I’ll pass.

My head is incredibly full, and yet I am so much better than I have been at any time during the past two weeks, I think. A sense of calmness has settled over me. I’m still angry, but for the first time in a long time, the writing of a paper is actually relaxing me.

I’m thinking this is a pretty significant paper.

I have no sources, other than primary texts. I don’t understand Lacanian theory or how Freud or The Purloined Letter apply. Research wise, this is an abysmal failure.

At the beginning of the semester, I told The Bear that I wanted to write something personally meaningful. I’m only halfway done with it, but I don’t think I could have discovered anything more personally meaningful than this. It’s about the exchange of information and the negotiation of relationships. It touches on power exchange, false intimacy, and true balance.

And I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

Oh, and I know that I’ve gained weight this month, which is bad, but I figure I’ll deal with that once I get past this semester. The one bright shining accomplishment, health wise, this month, is that I set a goal of 750 minutes of exercise for April which was a bit daunting given our weather and my mood shifts, and finished up the month with 868 minutes.

I’m pretty damned proud, all things considered.

My goal for May is to top that.


2 thoughts on “The Light at the End of the Tunnel”

  1. You GO Fool! Sounds like you’re in a writing zone. Thanks for taking a blogging break to keep us in the loop. (gosh, how many cliches can I use here?)


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