On the night I visited my grandmother in the hospital, I stopped by the church on my way there. They were having a class on Ekhart Tolle’s New Earth, which, to be honest, I didn’t have any interest in. But I just needed to be there. Family drama was expected, and I needed a bolster of good energy before I waded in.
As odd things go, it was exactly what I needed. They talked about the ego, about role playing the victim, about repeating patterns and getting caught in high drama. I profess to hate it, and, for the most part, it leaves a really bad taste in my mouth, but there is that part of me that just craves it, even if it’s just to show my superiority in how I stand above it.
That night I went out and bought the book.
Now, I can’t say that I whole-heartedly agree with everything he says. There are instances where his definitions are wrong, such as
“…and since the mind is conditioned by the past, you are then forced to reenact the past again and again. The Eastern term for this is karma.” (p 129).
As far as I know, the Eastern term, karma, means cause and effect. Not necessarily repeating patterns.
The way he describes the pain-body conjures an image of something from “Alien,” this ugly tentacled thing living in my body, and yet separate from it. While I understand what he’s getting at, that you are pure essence and everything is not you, there is a certain lack of personal responsibility that he seems to favor, as if murderers and rapists aren’t responsible for their actions. (He makes some reference to that, but I can’t find it off hand).
So, I read it all a few weeks ago, with a interested but somewhat ho-hum reaction to it. Not being able to find the book I’m reading now (Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston), I grabbed it for work and read it all night long.
And something shifted in me, I’m not exactly sure what it is. Mostly a vague feeling of, “Ok, you’ve had your month of mourning, now it’s time to get your ass in gear.”
And so I am. Trying. Again.
Something struck me, something that I’m no where near where I want to be, that I’ve gotten stuck, regressed, transgressed, far off the path and a food stuck in the mud. And it further struck me that everything I keep thinking about is “off in the future.” The job. The house. The whatever.
I’ve gotten stuck in thinking how my life will be better when this happens, or that happens, all things I have no control over.
So I found myself thinking, “What can I do to make my life better right now?”
And it hit me, this thing and that thing and this thing will all make my life incrementally better right now.
I think it’d be interesting, and might just do away with my procrastination. So I’m testing it. For 30 days, at least three times a day, I’ll ask myself, “What can I do to make my life better right now?”
And it is an experiment.