30 Day Challenge: Days 5 & 6

“One decision changes your entire reality. But that one decision you have to make again and again and again–until it becomes natural to live in such a way.”

Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, (201).

Yesterday and today were tough days. I found myself caught up in wishing things were a certain way, that this had been done, that I had already done that. I’m aware of it, though, and I suppose that’s something.

I found out my diploma was on hold, things I had already taken care of were showing, well, not-taken care of. Rather than arguing, I just went through the steps again, and I noticed I was a bit more detached.

Well, except for about five minutes when I was sitting in the middle of the USM lobby, right next to the Financial Aid office, talking to Mike about how useless the Financial Aid officers were and how I wish the Universe had decided to grace them with personalities and a modicum of talent that exceeded their ability to sit behind a desk and be decidedly unhelpful.

Um, yeah.

But my hold’s been lifted, I can get a copy of my transcript to submit with resumes (I never knew that was necessary, really), so I can officially move forward.

I wonder if I would have done it had I realized that.

Today I hit a moment where I realized that nothing I could possibly do would make my life better right now. A moment of pessimism, maybe. So I just sat still. And the strangest thing happened: my life became better right then. So, lesson learned: When nothing I can do will improve things, sometimes not doing anything will.

And while I was just sitting, all-still-like, a certain part of my brain must have been working. When I moved again, I was peaceful and calm, and resolute as to my next steps.

What’s even more, I sort of “came to” to this quotation from Tolle about the one decision again and again and again until it becomes natural. I think this is where I am right now, making the decision to be present again and again because it’s not natural for me. I’m too caught up in the willy-nilly tangential movement of my head, thus living far too much in my head. I’m too caught up in hiding and would rather hide behind a mask or a handle or something else.

So far, this experiment has basically yielded two results: It’s shown me how not present I am, and has resulted in a slightly more tidy living environment.

I feel like I’m just learning how to ride a bike with training wheels, only it’s life, with training wheels.

And even stranger, for a Friday, is the fact that I slept. All day. I’m getting ready for work, not quite vibrant or excited about going to work, mind you, but I am well-rested. Which is good, because tomorrow, I’ll be at my friend’s daughter’s christening, not as well-rested, but well enough to make it (hopefully).

I can’t wait.


2 thoughts on “30 Day Challenge: Days 5 & 6”

  1. Great quote. Even though you did not act from love about the financal aid folks, you were aware of what you were doing. Good that you tried to stay detached.

    Thanks for the comment, and so good to see you again! Yes, snark’s not quite the same thing as love, but I wonder if I’ll ever be able to shed that. So good to “see” you again!


  2. You BE! I love it! You are wiser than you accept that you are.

    🙂 Shu

    I’m noticing a definite difference, anyway. Thanks, always, for your support, Shu!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s