Happy Valentine’s Day

I’ve ranted about Fifty Shades of Grey.  I’ve argued with, well, everyone I know who likes it, that Fifty Shades should have been called Fifty Shades of Shit.  How it’s horribly written, more about domestic violence than BDSM, blah blah blah.  I really do get tiresome when I get on my soapbox.

In fact, I’ve deleted almost 700 words from the original draft of this post to do just that.

Tiresome indeed.

Besides, it has been done by people far more organized and articulate than I.

I will say that BDSM isn’t inherently abusive.  It certainly does offer the potential for abuse, just like any other relationship, but it is NOT in and of itself bad.

When arguing for the positive points (and I’ll admit, there are a couple) of FSoG, people “in the know,” have referenced Secretary, the 2002 movie starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhall.

Comparing Fifty Shades to Secretary is like comparing arsenic to ice cream.

Secretary is a movie about two unique people, two very odd people, who find that together, they are far better than they are separate.  It is transcendent and transformative, and the viewer knows that this relationship, for all its quirks, is good for them, it is healthy for them, because the characters end the movie far more confident and content than they were at its beginning.

Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time. I told him what the first one was. I told him where the second one came from. I remembered them all. And for the first time in my life,I felt beautiful. Finally part of the earth. I touched the soil, and he loved me back.

This is celebratory, triumphant. Her inner dialogue is that of someone healthy.  Loved.  No matter how the relationship would appear to outsiders.
She has been fundamentally changed for the good by her relationship with Mr. Grey.

In one way or another, I’ve always suffered. I don’t know why, exactly. But I do know that I’m not so scared of suffering now.  I feel more than I’ve ever felt, and I’ve found someone to feel with, to play with, to love in a way that feels right for me. I hope that he knows that I can see that he suffers too…and that I want to love him.  

While I do acknowledge my own soap-box fetish and I do feel that FSoG’s negatives far outweigh its positives, I will say this:  It apparently has spiced up relationships and encouraged people to explore their desires and fantasies. Those are good things. It has also opened a national dialogue about BDSM versus domestic violence, and I think that’s a good thing, too.

At any rate, lots of people will be seeing FSoG this weekend, according to ticket sales, and it is my sincere hope that it effects them in only positive ways.  I also hope that they will get the opportunity to see Secretary, and see how the two differ in nature.

Arsenic and ice cream.

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