Moving In and Moving On

Well, the move-in is on pause, as is the sense of accomplishment.

I had figured out the issue, or, at least corrected it so that I could begin transitioning over to, only to get an email that my website had been “infected.” Apparently, someone(s) had inserted malicious code so that folks could find themselves with viruses should they click on any links.

I, knowing absolutely nothing about code, am having to sit on it until I can get assistance. They’ve shut it down for now, which will at least keep it from infecting other people.

So there’s that.

The past three weeks or so have been a single run-on sentence of utter frustration, with my hitting the peak (or so I hope) yesterday as I dragged myself down the hall to the bathroom. (Picture: every single Vietnam movie where armed boys are crawling on their knees and elbows through the jungle, minus the boy part and the gun part and the fearing for my life part.)

Sometimes, so many things go wrong in a finite period of time that it seems ludicrous, as slapstick as Three Stooges. Sometimes I can’t see the slapstick of it until it’s passed, lost in the whirling maelstrom of stupid shit going wrong, and the sheer frustration of the inability to change or fix anything.

But other days, such as yesterday, I can laugh in the middle of it, as I did yesterday, pushing myself down the hall on my elbows and knees, thankful that I had replaced my original carpeting (OUCH) with laminate flooring. I can laugh because, once someone sees you at your most exposed (literally) and vulnerable, there is no going back from that.

I wasn’t humiliated, exactly; not even particularly embarrassed.  Just…exposed. Vulnerable.

In the catalog of embarrassing moments in my life, like breaking down in tears in front of a professor, my mother discovering on my wedding day that I had a nipple ring, being so drunk when I was an early 20-something that I a) passed out in front of my bedroom door, blocking anyone who could help me and b) lost my glasses ON MY FACE, and so on and so forth, this should have topped them all, embarrassment-wise.

I mean, really. It really, really should have.

But it didn’t.

And, while I can’t quite figure out the why of that lack of embarrassment, I’m grateful for it, and the fact that I got through it laughing.

That’s something.

And, as for today, I can move. I can walk. I can work, so I’m moving on down the line.

That’s something, too.


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