I’ll admit I stole the title from Byron Katie’s book of the same name, but I’m sure it has something to do with flattery.
It’s been a bit of a rough week. I’m on my (I hope! I hope!) final leg of my prednisone journey, and on Sunday I started a 5mg dose, down from 10 mg. So much for that “uphill battle” thing: the trip down is far rougher than the trip up. Including the ‘roid rage and my flipping out over the bullshit mockumentary of the horrors of Planned Parenthood, which ended with my yelling at someone I really respect, realizing I was yelling at someone I really respect, and hiding away for the rest of the day.
Not my finest moment.
But going down is worse.
Because I had calmed down (way, way down), I had missed how much I had been “propped up” (almost quite literally) by the prednisone. A couple of weeks ago, I went from 15 mg to 10 mg, and I could feel a difference energy-wise, but it wasn’t a huge deal. I wasn’t flaring up every other day, so I knew the Enbrel is working. Going down another notch on the steroids, however, has pretty left me dragging myself around, kinda-sorta moving from task to task. A bit of swelling started on Wednesday in my hands, and I’m hurting.
Not all days are good ones; not all weeks are good ones. And yet, here I stand, A little over 9 months since my first flare-up, and I’m in better shape than I ever would have imagined at that point.
When I’m asked how I’m doing, I answer, quite honestly, “I’ve had much worse days.”
Because I have. Much, much, worse days. I have constant nausea; in fact, I’m recommending to all my friends that they buy stock in Coca-Cola because I’m pretty much living off of Sprite and plain saltine crackers.
And yet, here I stand.
I am grateful that I have such a great boss. I’m grateful for my coworkers who, despite the sheer chaos of their days at times, still check on me.
And I’m very, very grateful for my friends. I’m grateful when I see “long-lost” ones and play board games with them, and I’m grateful when I lose by negative 78 points because I don’t know what I’m doing.
I’m very, very grateful for like-minded people and the ability we share to lose ourselves in laughter.
I had committed to NaNoWriMo this month, and my goal is to lay down another 50k words and just trudge through the rough draft. I want it finished. Considering I barely broke 30K all year, though,it’s a long shot.
But I seem to excel at longshots. I’ve only written about 3k so far, but it’s more than I had written in all of October. So it’s something.
And it’s pretty fabulous from where I’m standing.